EuroEnglish

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has
been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of negotiations, her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and
has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as
EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the
hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters,
which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgraful,
and they would go.

By the forth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year ze unesesary "o" kan
be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trobls or difikultis and evrivum vil find it ezi tu understand
ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.